Chaos and a Clean Slate
The weather is wild, and so is my mind, racing with all of the possibilities and potential of the future.
My life has been somewhat chaotic until these moments. Thoughts race, but never seem to clarify my direction. To be so specific about what one wants almost seems so final.
There are so many aspects of my life I have missed out on. I used to view this as a detriment, but over time, I have come to view it as a blessing. The slate is clean, an opportunity which most could only hope for, a fresh start, a do-over. But just like with most things these days, there is an overwhelming level of choice.
I feel deeply that my purpose in this lifetime is to create and hold space for people to explore their true identities and desires in a safe and judgemental-free manner. To educate and enlighten, to express my energy and art in an authentic way, with the intention of leaving a profound impact on its consumers. BUT, the methods and ways in which I wish to do so are slightly clouded at the moment.
I have yet to land on any definitive plan, but I know that my heart will pound and my head will bloom with inspiration the moment I find it. Finding it...an amusing perspective really, when deep down I know it’s already within me. I guess you could say I’m spending the time right now healing enough to let my choices become clearer and unearth my true joy again. Can thinking about the future ever truly be clear though if all we have is now?
Grief is the hardest of demons to fight. It pops up unannounced in the most erratic ways and it’s so very unpredictable... until one day it fucks off and pops by for annual visits instead. It manipulates everything. I’m currently working on decompressing my past and current grief with the intention of unearthing my full capacity again.
You have to show up or be forgotten in this industry. So I’m working with the capacity I have in the hope that it nurtures me and leads me to the hidden potentials of my clean slate. Many things change, sometimes unpredictably, but it’s how we change with them that matters.
L
Offering to Mistress Lenore, a quiet gesture of appreciation
Buy Mistress a Coffee
Thank you for reading